Heartcatch! Cardcure
by Piannalise
Summary: Sendou Aichi deals with the perils of being a magical girl and fighting crime, schoolwork, making friends, a romance straight out of bad shoujo, and of course, trying to get Kai-senpai to notice him. Magical Girl AU, in which everyone attends the same school. Genre has changed!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AICHI, at least where I live**

**It's a Magical Girl AU, in which Cardfight! Vanguard still exists but it failed to become popular a long, long time ago. This affects A Lot of people Also everyone's in the same school because the plot would have been much, much harder to write otherwise.**

**Well, it's still very loosely based on the plot. Planning to incorporate season 3 somewhere in.**

**Been writing this nonstop since Monday. ENJOY**

**Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Believe It! First Encounter?!**

Someone's Unknown Monologue, At An Unknown Time, In An Unknown Place:

_It didn't work at all!? What a failure..._

_I'm going to have to go through desperate measures if Cray's going to be saved..._

_Reality intervenes, hmm? Card games aren't as popular as they used to be._

_This is bad, Void's going to invade Earth at this rate._

_Wait, what if..._

_I've got it!_

* * *

Present Day, Some Street On The Way To School:

The sky was blue, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and Sendou Aichi was running late. Another day, another story.

"Oh no! I'm lattteeee!" cried out our hero(ine), running to school with a piece of toast in his mouth. Ah, youth.

Of course, he made it to class just as the bell rang. News at 11. The bluenet collapsed on his desk, exhausted. And of course, the teacher was late to class for a few minutes, allowing Aichi's classmates to laugh at his misfortune and to show that Aichi was indeed a friendless loner. Which they did. However, two people caught his attention.

"Late?" murmured Ishida Naoki off to the side, Generic Classmate No. 1. Well, not so much generic as Aichi had never talked to him much, but still. He scared him, and for someone like him to just talk, was something wrong with today?

Probably not.

"Don't say that! Aichi was probably very busy last night." defended Komoi Shingo, Generic Classmate 2: Electric Boogaloo. Call him paranoid, but Aichi was pretty convinced that he was his stalker, for whatever reason. He probably was.

Unfortunately, Obligatory Female Character Misaki was in the year above them, so she did not get an introduction. Maybe later.

It was at the exact same time Aichi's friends had finished their friendship-filled dialogue of friendship that the teacher decided to walk in.

"Alright, class. We have a new transfer student today." he loudly announced. A blonde-haired girl walked into the classroom. Gasps filled the room.

Aichi recognized her instantly. That hairstyle(not that Aichi knew anything about hairstyles, I mean, it's not like the reason that he's always late is because he spends all of the time he can styling his hair before going out the door) and those eyes were obviously that of Kourin from the newly-formed idol group Ultra-Rare. He was surprisingly an acquaintance of hers, though Aichi was sure she didn't even remember his name.

He zoned out as (according to some people*cough*Morikawa) the pinnacle of womanly charm and grace introduced herself. He thought her hairstyle was pretty weird, and, although nice in their few coincidental meetings, he wasn't really sure that he wanted fanboys harassing him anytime soon. Maybe he could talk to her after school. He didn't like cryptic warnings and odd glares so early in the morning.

In an alternate universe called "Canon" where Kourin transferred a year later, everyone not named Morikawa and Izaki or Kai and Miwa went to different schools and people were playing card games instead of doing normal people things, Aichi and Kourin would have had a much friendlier, warmer relationship than what they had now. Aichi also would have had the confidence to talk to Kourin herself, but due to this universe not being set in Canon and Aichi having never played Vanguard, he was pretty much the definition of the shy archetype right now.

It wasn't a bad life. He still had Emi, and fate made it so that yes, he still had Naoki and Shingo as acquaintances in his class. His life was just boring and a little sad. He wished things were just a little more exciting, you know? Maybe if Cardfight! Vanguard had took off like people had been expecting it to things might've been different. The present was the present, and even though he still had the long-retired cards of Royal Paladin tucked within his jacket, the game long since given up on. Barely anybody played it nowadays, so he grew up with the deck unplayed and highly unlikely to ever play. Tsk. What a waste.

"_Oh, forget this. How depressing."_ Aichi thought as he zoned out for the rest of the lesson.

* * *

The first half of the day zoomed through in the blink of an eye. Before Aichi knew it, it was lunchtime. While the time was appropriate for cheerful bonding with friends and improving relationships for the future, Aichi had no friends(which was just as well. He thought the people in his year were rather distant, not that he could say anything). So the bluenet having nothing to do found himself doing his most secret and favorite hobby: Kai Watching.

In a few minutes Aichi had managed to find him(he'd gotten good at the hidden art of Kai-searching. All he needed to do was look around the most isolated areas outside the school). Today the brunet was napping alone, his friend Miwa nowhere to be seen. _Lucky! _Aichi cheered to himself. Call him kind of creepy, but he always thought Kai looked so peaceful and relaxed when he was sleeping, but also still cool, because Kai was so amazing and he wanted him to notice him so badly—

Um.

Not that he was weird for thinking those thoughts! Kai Toshiki was the most sought-after guy in the entire school. He had a cold, antisocial attitude and poor relationships with anyone not named Miwa Taishi, but Aichi supposed that only made him even more popular with the girls. He was a good cook, too. And he was really nice when he wanted to! And he looked really, really good anytime anywhere and wow he was just awesome—

Uhhh.

Aichi admitted that he may have a bit of an obsession when it came to Kai Toshiki. But only a bit. He reckoned he was allowed to do this kind of thing, since he was fifteen and in middle school, and middle-schoolers had hormones and things and were allowed to experiment just like his mom had said, right?

Oh, no! Was Kai waking up? Yeah, he was.

_WOW WHAT IF HE CATCHES YOU HE WOULD BE SO CREEPED OUT THIS IS TERRIBLE RUN LEGS RUN—_

Oh well. Lunch was nearly over anyways.

Needless to say, Aichi panicked and scrambled away as fast as he could. But as he ran away back to his classroom, he heard a roar...

Aichi had never been so thankful for his cowardice as he ducked behind a nearby tree to hide.

Uh, what was that? Godzilla? Well, no, it was a magic portal. Which was...summoning monsters with...were those _Cardfight! Vanguard cards? _

"CALL! CALL! CALL! CALL! _CALL!_"

But

how do magical portals even talk

What he said earlier had totally jinxed things.

Someone with blonde hair was fighting him in a strange, flashy golden outfit that wouldn't look out of place in a magical girl anime. She looked familiar, for some reason. Where had he seen her before? He only knew one person with blonde hair, and that was

that was—

"...KOURIN!?"

* * *

Tatsunagi(ahahaaha, yeah, some parent he was) Kourin was pissed off.

First of all, she woke up to Takuto smiling down on her and shoving a uniform in her face, babbling about "making friends and bonds"(recruiting allies) and "finding some people who still have the cards"(who were so few Kourin wouldn't have been surprised if they could be counted on one hand)

What.

Second of all, she found out that Rekka and Suiko were transferring with her, and those two weren't exactly the most able-minded of people.

Third of all, the girly-boy (Ai?Aiki?Aichi! He was tiny!) that she knew had the cards(wow, what a coincidence! Naah, they had met once or twice before, he'd probably forgotten) had disappeared once she had managed to gather the courage to talk to him.

Combat with the cards, for the cards. It was almost ridiculous, but then again the original plan was for Cray's fate to be decided in card games, so she couldn't really say much on the matter. That and she wanted her memories back, no matter what.

It was all a little confusing. Change that to a lot confusing. The cards were obsolete, and nothing really mattered anymore, right? So why was Takuto still holding on to her, Suiko's, and Rekka's memories? She didn't get the recruiting Cardfight! Vanguard owners part, either.

Well, now she knew. She was fighting cards right now, in a flashy golden outfit, probably derived from the card that started glowing, Fang of Light, Garmore. She felt like a magical girl, which would not be that different.

Just as she was getting the hang of fighting with those weird golden tiger claw-like weapons connected to her fists, girly-boy just had to appear out of nowhere and call her name.

Punch. Punch. Duck.

"KOURIN!?"

Kourin snapped. "What is it?" Punch another card monster.

The timid boy flushed scarlet. "A-ah," he stuttered, "why i-is-um-cardfight-you-"

Screw. This.

"Listen, I don't—"

GYAAAAH. The blonde was sent flying a far distance away.

And that's the story of how she got sent flying into a tree. Wonderful day, isn't it?

Wait, Aichi! The cards would go after him now and he didn't have any means of defending himself. He was the only person she knew who still had the cards, and if he got killed somehow, her memories couldn't...

Damn you, tree. Damn you.

She could see Aichi from the area she was in, at least. The situation was exactly as she had imagined. Oh, Aichi. Kid needed some backbone.

There was nothing she could do but watch from the tree she was tangled up in. Well, there was something. She could make a motivational speech that might inspire him—yeah no. There was no way Tatsunagi Kourin was saying something that cheesy. She could find something else to do.

Okay

Well

She could

Uhh

Oh, fine.

Take a deep breath, aaannnnddd—

"AICHI, YOU CAN DO IT! JUST TAKE OUT YOUR CARDS AND ONE OF THEM WILL START TO GLOW. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN ME LIKE I BELIEVE IN YOU RIGHT NOW. GO! PICTURE IT!"

What has she done. Never again. _Never again._ Kourin would have facepalmed right there and then, but her hands were currently occupied with wielding those tiger claw-like—

DAMMIT.

Kourin sighed and slashed away what she was tangled in. She started to head over to rescue Aichi, but

but

Is he actually following what she said?

He's getting his deck out, oh good lord

"Stand up, my avatar! Blaster Blade!"

A glow.

Flash.

...

Kourin blinked. She blinked again. Then three more times after that.

No way. If her outfit was flashy, Aichi's outfit was...

A helmet that was supposed to be protection, yet looked horribly impractical, not even covering up half of the head, looking more decoration than not. A unusually ornate sword at his waist, looking like it was about to snap at any moment. Tall, sleek white boots with tiny buttons, about knee-high. A white-and-blue armor-plated dress, complete with ribbons and lace.

This was Blaster Blade?

* * *

Aichi was a very timid person. He would not speak up when people criticized him. He would normally run in a fight-or-flight situation. When someone told him to do something, he would probably do it. Hence why when Kourin told him to take out his cards, he took them out.

He should have ran away the first chance he had gotten.

Aichi did not openly freak out at many things, but this was something worth freaking out over.

"W-WHY AM I IN A SKIRT?!"

* * *

**A/N: 1500-ish words.**

**Could be worse. This is more of an introductory part, like most magical girl anime?**

**There's a lot of magical girl anime tropes I'd like to play around with...**

**I can't believe I finished this, wow. There's something off with my writing in general, but I can't put my finger on it…**

**This has no pairings right now. I don't particularly mind about pairings and it really depends where the story goes. If it's Aichi Kai has to play a part in it in some way, though.**

**I'll try to update this within a month. Feedback would help. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYOU, COULDN'T MAKE IT TO ASAKA'S BIRTHDAY**

**Yeah, it's been a month. Sorry! I've decided on an update schedule. I'll update on character birthdays, okay?**

**I need a beta reader, really. It's only 3000-ish words, too.**

**You guys pay attention to my work and i am so happy, really**

**Thanks to everyone who revised, favourited and/or followed. Well, there's a few reasons this isn't categorised under ****humour. It depends on the plot later on and if I can continue writing this type of stuff.**

**The Pretty Cure reference in the title is entirely intentional, though I'm wondering if should have made it Yes! Cardcure 5 instead for more relevance...**

**ENJOY**

* * *

**Chapter 2: The CEO of Tatsunagi (&) Co. Is A 12-Year-Old Boy(Somehow, Nobody Questions This Except Aichi)**

It was a known fact that Sendou Aichi was very girly. Yes, even to himself. Before he was known as "That Wimpy Loser Kid Who Had No Friends", he was known as "That Girly-Boy Who You Could Probably Pay To Masquerade As Your Girlfriend From America And Nobody Would Notice". The thought depressed him, however, so he always pushed away the topic anytime it was brought up. Until now, that is. He's pretty sure that if Emi were here, she'd probably cheer and thank the higher powers that forced him into this dress.

He looked at the card in his hand in disbelief. Blaster Blade was definitely a guy. And not wearing a skirt. Really, why did he even bother. He already spends 5 minutes everyday staring at the thing, fantasizing about what the super cool and amazing Kai would say if he ever talked to him and if he would—

_Okay,_ enough about that. Besides, isn't he, you know, cornered by a bunch or real-life monsters straight out of the very same card game that Blaster Blade came from? Why yes, yes they were.

Did he just ask himself a rhetorical question which he unironically answered to?

That settled it. Sendou Aichi was officially insane. It would not be a stretch to say that he could be hallucinating right now. What's next, another magical girl in flashy orange shining armor slashing through the monsters to save him accompanied by creatures straight out of the Pokémon universe?

OH WAIT

Well, this was officially happening. Flogal and Wingal, huh?

Aichi was not a damsel in distress! He was just very very confused right now, what with all the fighting and chaos and Pokémon lookalikes and the laws of physics getting terribly mutilated, wow did Kourin just do a _triple backflip what was happening—_

Man, he hated his life right now.

* * *

_Sendou Aichi was easily readable,_ noted Kourin. From the his facial expressions, Kourin had deduced that A) he had no idea what was going on, and B) uhhhhh

uhhh

That was it. Maybe she should stop distracting herself and go and help him out? Hmm, that sounded like a good idea.

Picture it, picture it... Okay.

Let's think rationally now. Card monsters... Which deck were they from? She couldn't identify them, as she hadn't really looked at Vanguard that closely. Damn. Perhaps "fighting" worked like a bizarre fusion of the card game itself and flashy magical girl moves?

You never know till you try.

"Call! Flogal, Wingal!"

Determined, our heroine stands up, Vanguard! Calling her trusty units Flogal and Wingal from her beloved Royal Paladin deck, she marches on, everlasting, her flames of youth burning. Go for it, Kourin-chan! She starts off with a overly-flashy triple backflip that broke so many laws of physics all of the monsters could do nothing but stare dumbfounded! Distraction get!

Ever graceful, the magical girl delivers a series of kicks and punches to the monsters that would make a man curl up on the floor in a fetal position. Such passion! Such charm! Feel the...uh..._love in her fighting._

Kourin had quickly learned not to question these things. Otherwise her head would most likely explode, which did not seem very appealing to herself.

"_Oh well." _sighed our heroine internally as she hacked and slashed her way to the pissed-off crossdressing boy. Now what does one say to someone like that to calm them down?

Something like

"Hey, you look really nice in that skirt"

"Don't worry, I don't doubt your masculinity one bit"

"We're all in this TOGETHER"

"Oh... U-uhthanks?"

...she'd said all of that out loud. Good lord, the poor boy's face was practically a tomato now.

A lifesaver. The school bell had rung, just as she thought that. As the bell rang, signifying the beginning of the second half of school, her and Aichi's pseudo-magical girl costumes reverted back to their normal school uniforms with a flash of light and sparkles. How convenient.

Trying to salvage what little was left of her dignity, Kourin summoned the most piercing glare she could at Aichi.

"Meet me after school. We need answers, and I know who has them."

"O-okay."

Predictably, the walk back to class was awkward. Even worse were the whispers Kourin heard she second she and Aichi set foot into the classroom together.

She was going to make Takuto's life _hell _after he explained everything.

* * *

The skyscraper was large and towering over him as he and Kourin entered through the fancy automated doors, then into a fancy, glass elevator that was only made out of class to terrify him, at least, that's what Aichi wanted to think at that time.

Tatsunagi Co. was one of those big, shady businesses that seemed to have connections with the mafia, but nobody seemed to question because they either didn't care or were too terrified to. Aichi was one of the latter people. Oh, the consequences of being sane in a crazy world. It was a cruel, cruel fate.

Infact, what did Tatsunagi Co. even _do _for a living? Originally they manufactured Vanguard cards, but after they failed Aichi never bothered to keep track of them anymore.

"What are you thinking of?" Aichi looked beside him to see Kourin, her face curious.

"What does the Tatsunagi Co. manufacture?"

The blonde's face scrunched up, irritated. She made a face, one unbefitting that of her idol career.

"&. Its Tatsunagi _&_ Co. Takuto changed the name when Cardfight! Vanguard failed."

"What do you make now, then?"

Kourin's voice was small as she spoke. "...we, uh, that's classified information. We sell merchandise. Some kind."

Well. Unfortunate Implications, much? And what kind of merchandise?

Kourin continued. "Takuto does all the advertising online. People flock to it."

Man, this Takuto guy sure seemed like a creepy stalker, not that Aichi himself could say anything.

"I see...?"

Unfortunately, there was no way to make the mood any less awkward. If there was Aichi would probably have paid for it in a heartbeat, scams be damned. Except he didn't have any money left, since he spent all of his wallet's contents on materials for his custom-made Kai nendoroid figurine, which wasn't at all creepy and hypocritical because Kai wasn't an idol, see—

ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. He swears he doesn't really like Kai in that way...!

Thankfully, the elevator chose to arrive at the designated floor at that very moment, saving Aichi from having arguments with his inner godde_*cough* himself_ about his obsession, ahem, _admiration_ with Kai Toshiki.

"Hey, are you alright!?"

"YES! I-I'm fine."

"If you say so..."

Sendou Aichi felt like disappearing from the face of the earth at that very moment.

The fancy penthouse on the very top of Tatsunagi Corporation was, very obviously, where the Tatsunagi "family" lived. Having to house 3 idols and their obsessive fans, however, had made it...a bit packed, let's just say that. The whole thing looked like a clumsy attempt to make everything look nice and neat while failing(not even epically) at the same time.

When questioned later, Sendou Aichi had only one thing to say: body pillows were really hard to hide. And some people called _him_ a stalker, sheesh.

When Aichi spoke up about the blatantly obvious "fan gifts" littered around the penthouse, Kourin just sighed, facepalmed another time and pushed him into the menacing, purple door that Aichi swore was glowing.

Here he was now, at what he assumed to be the CEO of Tatsunagi (&) Co.'s office.

Uhh

He looked up at Kourin(she was twice his height, and that was the final nail in the coffin to Aichi's manly price. Rest in peace).

"It's the hair." Kourin responded, her eyes never meeting Aichi's.

Ohhhhhhhh, that explained everything!

If there was anymore awkwardness in this room, Kourin swore she would snap and start to murder everyone. Well, except Aichi. He seemed like a nice kid, if not a little(ahaha no) timid.

Poor guy, getting dragged into this messed-up parody of a magical girl anime. He seemed to relax a bit when she mentioned hair, though.

What is up with everyone and hair? Takuto, Suiko, Rekka, and now Aichi. Oh yes, she knew the signs of a hair-obsession and Aichi definitely had one. What, you thought hair would just naturally defy gravity like that?

That was the reason Takuto's weird hairspray invention had gotten so popular, for goodness' sake.

Okay, she thought she had mentally blocked that one memory out.

brainbleachbrainbleach—

"TAKUTO WHERE ARE YOU." she blurted out in desperation.

It was then the room dramatically turned dark. Kourin pretended to not notice the flick of a switch she heard.

A spotlight on the fancy and uncomfortable imposing chair at the center of the room, a whirlwind spin, and—

"POOF, A WILD TAKUTO APPEARED!" yelled Takuto, waving his arms in the air.

Oh, Takuto.

...oh.

* * *

Everything is unexpected, everything is upside down, card monsters are real, Aichi is a crossdressing magical "girl", and the CEO of Tatsunagi (&) Co. was a crossdressing cosplaying twelve-year-old little boy, shorter than even Aichi himself. Aichi won't even get into what kind of shenanigans took place for a elementary schooler to even be a CEO.

Tatsunagi Takuto was dressed in what Aichi assumed to be fairy cosplay, which included a white sparkly dress, accessories and all, a pointy star wand, and glitter. Lots and lots of it.

And...if you looked closer...

He has Seen What Was Not Meant To Be Seen.

HIS EYES

Aichi promptly shielded his poor, poor eyes from that...thing.

"Aichi! Are you alright?" Kourin kneeled beside him with concern.

NO DOES HE LOOK ALRIGHT

"No, you don't." Oh god, again. A pause from Kourin. "...I'm so sorry. Takuto's always like this." she gritted out.

"SUBTEXT! SUBTEXT!" cheered the strange boy, still in his fancy leather chair.

"No, Takuto. _No._"

"Aww."

Kourin stood up from her position and tried her best to regain her composure. She glared at Takuto. "Takuto. This is Aichi. We need answers."

Takuto looked down at Aichi from his imposing-looking position. She seemed pretty meek and timid, but that was alright for his purposes. "Oooooh, Kourin, you picked out a good one! She made a pretty magical girl, didn't she?"

"Takuto. Aichi's a guy."

"Wait, whaaaaattttt?"

"Aichi. Is. A. Guy."

"Ummmm, I'm really really sorry if I—"

"AICHI NO IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT TAKUTO ANSWERS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD"

"Butbut he's got really long eyelashes and the hair—"

"ANSWERS! FOR THE LOVE OF CRAY, WHY ARE WE MAGICAL GIRLS?"

The CEO pouted. "'Cause it's prettier that way, nooooooo?"

Kourin was approximately ten seconds away from ripping her hair out. "No, not that. How does it even work and why does it have to be flashy outfits, you know nobody thinks like you and do Rekka and Suiko—"

Seeing that Kourin was about to snap, Aichi decided to make the wisest decision of his young life(besides his weekly Kai observations, of course. Nothing would ever top that). He decided to play exposition for the first time. "I'd like some kind of explanation?"

"You speak!" Takuto exclaimed. He then tilted his head. "It's exactly what it looks like, though...?

"Then, this is like a magical girl anime?"

"Yepyep, you catch on fasttttt!" The childish boy pouted afterwards. "See, it was going to be easier. I mean, that's why I created Cardfight! Vanguard in the first place. So instead of this, you played card games."

"And then? What happened?"

"You can see it didn't work out at all! That was really bad, since there were people who really liked it..."

Aichi was still very, very confused. "What do you mean by "it" not working?"

"Oh, nothing much. Cray got invaded by this mysterious entity named Void and now it's a desolate wasteland. You were supposed to play card games to save the world, yeah. How was I even supposed to know nobody played card games anymore?"

_Card games to save the world, card games to save the world, card games to save the world. _Takuto's girly voice kept echoing in Aichi's head.

why was this happening to him

Oblivious to AIchi's mental state, Takuto continued with expositioning. "Then Void tried to invade this one too. So boom! I figured that maybe the heart of the cards would motivate some people of this world to fight Void and uhh _you believe in the heart of the cards right?_"

EXCUSE ME MISTER 12-YEAR-OLD CEO HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF THE CARDS WHEN HE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED THE CARD GAME

But all Aichi managed to squeak out was a stuttered "s-sure."

Takuto grinned to his response. "See, I knew it. You didn't have to worry at all, Kourin! This girl-boy-something has The Potential! All you need to do is use the cards to transform and fight Void every week, easy as that. You'll probably need more members, though. And they have to have had cards beforehand! Otherwise the whole transformation process won't work."

"Why?"

"Because MAGIC. Oh, I know some people that you can recruit! There was a red-haired boy who I talked to a few years ago and another one, his friend I think? He had really crazy hair, you know. Like _thisssss" _Takuto waved one of his hands in a pattern familiar to Aichi.

Hey, wasn't that—

"I know him."

"Eh!? You do?" Kourin, who was silent all this time, turned to him, her eyes sparkling.

"That's Kai-kun!" said Aichi with so much enthusiasm that Kourin looked at him oddly. "He'sthemostpopularguyinourgrade." he blurted out in defence.

"Great, now that I've explained everything boring, you can go outside and do some recruiting! Take care~!"

"Wha—"

"TAKE. CARE."

* * *

Somehow, the 12-year old boy managed to kick the 15-year-olds out of the room, slamming the door and locking it, and with it, any answers whatsoever.

Hell hath no fury like a Kourin scorned.

"TAKUTO YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US." yelled Kourin, delivering a flurry of punches and kicks to the door.

Poor, confused Aichi stared, dumbfounded at the door. He wondered if doors were invincible. Hey, if Cray existed, then so could invincible doors.

"So, Aichi, about this "Kai-kun"..." Kourin awkwardly started up a conversation, still kicking at the door.

Oh, Kourin. What have you done?

Aichi perked up. "Kai-kun is the best! You see, he was the entire reason I even have a Vanguard deck in the first place. 4 years ago, I was walking home from school when he suddenly appeared in front of me and handed me a card—"

Oh man, this was gonna take a while. Poor, poor Kourin had unleashed the sealed gates of Aichi's closeted Kai fanboyism.

* * *

"After that I scouted out every single bit of information that I could find on Kai-kun! He's just that special, you understand. Did you know that he has exactly 186 members of his unofficial fanclub, started by blood-type-B-born-on-Christmas-upperclassman..."

It had been at least half an hour.

* * *

"I was so proud when the figurine was finally finished! It was really hard to get the paint and color balance correct, but I managed to recall the clothes perfectly from memory. It

has 3 different expressions from what I thought suited Kai-kun best..."

That marked two, now.

That is some crush Aichi has got.

* * *

"After 4 years of waiting, he finally came back. Except he was different. But I don't care, Kai-kun is Kai-kun, I found him first and none of the fangirls can even compare. I'm not even jealous, except when Miwa is around. Miwa's always with Kai and I wish I could talk to him, but I never found the courage to... I'd like to someday, though? Erm, is he one of these magical girls too? Wow, as I thought, Kai-kun really is amazing! I bet he'd be really good at fighting this Void thing, right?"

"Mhmmm...oh? Kourin snapped out of her half-asleep state. "AH! Yeah, yeah. Uh, you... certainly know this "Kai-kun" very well."

Aichi flushed pink. "Oh, no. I haven't even talked to him yet..."

_Yeah, right._ "You should. Takuto talked about recruiting, so it's best we do that as soon as possible. If this person you keep talking about has cards, then he should be able to fight too."

"You're right..." Aichi's frame drooped a bit, his hair even seeming to look a little depressed.

Oh no

HE LOOKS LIKE A KICKED PUPPY

_AICHI I'M SORRY_

Kourin instinctively panicked. "Y-you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to! This whole situation is because of Takuto, so... so..."

"Ah. No, it's fine. I'm just a little worried. What if he doesn't remember me?"

_KOURIN DO SOMETHING_ screamed the blonde frantically to herself. "It'll be fine(no it won't)! I'll make sure of it, so don't worry. I'll go with you...tomorrow! Let's talk to him then, okay?" There's a hint of (quite obvious) desperation in her voice.

Her thoughts turn into mush when Aichi smiles back at her. "Sure."

His smile is like that of pure innocent newborn babies riding unicorns, spewing out rainbows and various assorted chocolates _with sparkles—_ Kourin will stop now.

But really, _how does he do that._

"Well then, I'll take my leave now. Oh, you don't have to walk me back. Have a nice day, Kourin!" Aichi speaks in that soft, soft voice of his, smiles again then walks off.

Kourin stares after him.

_doki_

Oh no

nono_nonononono_

Kourin sank down to the floor.

* * *

_Next time, on Heartcatch! Cardcure:_

_"I mean, I chased after you for 4 years, Kai-kun!"_

_"..."_

_"AICHI THIS IS NOT A SHOUJO MANGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING"_

Don't miss it!

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry**

**Takuto is so out of character it's not even funny, I couldn't write him right, so EXPOSITION FAIRY HE GOES**

**Oh geez I missed a lot of things in the 1st chapter, even the preview, will have to edit**

**For pairings Aichi's definitely got this stalker thing for Kai. Kourin's the female love interest so yeah, it was inevitable. You guys can review on what you'd like**

**So basically EveryonexEveryone is what I'm sayin' here. ****The pairings go where the plot goes, yep.**

**Also should Miwa be a main character or not, I have Kourin for the sane person but really now**

**I've got a loose draft for plot, but 2 different outcomes. Do you want more ****parody or more deconstruction?**

**R&R thanks**

**TILL NEXT TIME**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Y K S! **

**A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAI(-KUUUNNNNNN)**

**There was a delay sorry but it all worked out in the end! The chapter is even appropriate for the date!**

**This is the least amount of words I've written so far, though... Some of the paragraph breaks could be messed up too...**

**I'll be changing the genre after I update this, we're going all out full parody!**

**Also, should I make a Yes! Precure 5 reference instead of the current one in the title?**

**I'll start to reply to reviews after this I just realised that would be a good thing to do yeah**

* * *

"...hey, Aichi?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you know where Kai is at school in his free time?"

"Nothing much, just a month of following him around. I marked down all of the most likely locations as well as all the isolated areas, based each location's probability of Kai-kun appearing to his total appearances, and kept track of his fanclub's daily whereabouts so that I could predict Kai-kun's movements more accurately. Miwa's with him about 3 days out of 5, so that makes it easier to track him down. It's not that hard."

IT'S NOT THAT HARD, SAYS AICHI

Kourin was very, very glad this boy was a stalker for somebody not her. Just a regular day at school, stalking a boy during lunch. Yep. Mm-hmm, nothing to see here.

Where was she, you ask? Behind the bushes next to an abandoned shed. Ah, high school youth. At least there were no clubs or anything like that.

...she'd just jinxed things, hadn't she.

"Aichi, how long have you been doing this?"

"Only a year!"

ONLY A YEAR, SAYS AICHI

Kourin reminded herself that Aichi did this all day every day.

"Ah, he's coming!" Kourin was jolted out of her thoughts and oh wait false alarm

Before long, she found herself starting to doze off...

Zzzzzzzz...

* * *

A brown-haired teenager with hair straight out of Dragonball Z appeared at the scene.

_Wow, Kai-kun looks so cool!_ thought Aichi, completely forgetting about the whole reason they were there in the first place.

Welp.

"YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT OUR OBJECTIVE?" yelled Kourin in righteous fury.

"U-uh..."

Damn puppy eyes.

* * *

_-After School-_

"Kai-kun leaves the school fairly late as he's part of the cooking club. That's around 15 minutes after my club ends. Ehh, usually he takes this route after school? The back entrance's fairly convenient for him, in the case of stalkers. It can't be helped, I guess, he's always got this charm around him..." murmured the bluenet, lost in thought. Kourin speculated that he was probably calculating the various possibilities of "Kai-kun"'s routes home.

And wasn't _he_ the bigger stalker than those fangirls?

What has she gotten herself into.

"Over there, over there!" pointed out Aichi, his eyes gleaming.

Kourin couldn't help but notice that Aichi had very pretty eyes. No, no, no, no, _no._

Anyways! That was convenient.

Onwards, they go!

* * *

~5 minutes in~

Kai turned around.

"Stop following me."

DAMMIT that was fast.

"W-wait, we can explain!" Kourin blurted out in self-defence.

"Bw-a...A... A..."

...

Aichi?

"...Aichi, are you okay?"

NO HE WAS NOT

"a...a..."

Oh. Oh dear.

Kourin realised with a dim sense of awareness that Sendou Aichi had just fainted.

This was not good.

"Can we bring him over to your place? There's something we need to tell you, too. It's important!" Kourin pleaded in desperation.

"No." Kai's answer was blunt and to the point.

Aichi unconsciously shivered.

"Don't you remember him from 4 years ago?!"

"..."

Again with the ellipses and dramatic silence.

"A...ah... Mhm, I'm fine now. Kai-kun, um, can we talk somewhere else? It's, ah, important." Aichi echoed Kourin's words. "Relating to Vanguard. Do you still play it? I-Ineverforgotyou! I mean, I chased after you for 4 years, Kai-kun!"

"..."

"AICHI THIS IS NOT A SHOUJO MANGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"..."

"Say something?" "P-please."

Kai turned away and completely ignored them, walking past the magical girl(?)s.

Onto Plan B, then. "Aichi, grab him."

"Wha—"

"From behind!"

"I'M SORRY KAI-KUN"

Toshiki Kai blacked out.

"If there's anything that you have to learn in your entire lifetime, Aichi, it's that kidnapping is okay as long as Takuto takes responsibility for it." said Kourin, dusting her hands off her skirt.

And that, as they say, was that.

* * *

Kai woke up to a world of darkness. Not literally, because that would be in a different series called Yu-Gi-Oh, and contrary to popular belief Toshiki Kai's life did not revolve around playing children's card games.

Only half of it did. He liked to think he had this thing called "a life".

SHADOWREALMSHADOWREALMSHADOWREALMDARKNESSDARKNESS—

Kai shook his head furiously. Must...resist...emo urges... He promised Miwa he'd cut down on the number of ellipses!

He should think the opposite. Does that mean believing in the heart of the cards, then?

Yeah, right.

Unfortunately, in this universe believing in the heart of the cards does not save you. Sucks to be Kai. He grunted and tried to move.

Called it. Ropes bound his entire figure. He considered calling the police if he ever got out of this situation.

_This is what happens when you allow somebody to stalk you out of pity and this somebody makes a friend,_ Kai berated himself.

The sound of footsteps. Said stalker emerged.

"We-we're undergoing some technical difficulties right now, so please be patient! I-I'll be back... Oh, please don't call the police! We'll let you out as soon as possible, I swear!"

Ducking down his head politely, the bluenet disappeared to goodness-knows-where.

Definitely calling the police.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy

* * *

STILL WAITING

* * *

You ever have your body completely lose all feeling? Well, that's exactly what happened to Kai.

Wow they were taking a long time.

Now that he thought about it, did Miwa have some kind of crush on him or what?

Miwa never returned the clothes he lent him...

Kai realized what Miwa's actions totaled to.

Nononononononononono.

* * *

He should do this more often. Not the getting-kidnapped-by-your-stalker part, but the contemplating-about-life part. It was surprisingly an enlightening experience for Kai.

Hahahahahhahahahahahahaaaaah.

Ha.

* * *

"Aichi, hurry up!" an irritated voice suddenly pierced through the almost-maddening silence of the room.

Hallelujah. Kai silently thanked whatever god smiled upon him that day.

Kai heard the click of a switch turning on. In seconds, glorious, glorious light filled the room.

THANK YOU IN THE NAME OF PLANET CRAY

Of course, Kai never said any of these things out loud. He's not stupid, afterall. Seriously, what kind of person does that?

Kai heard a high-pitched sneeze. Probably a coincidence.

Yep. Nothing wrong here. Absolutely.

Kai heard more rustling, a thump, and—

What was that...?

Oh.

Toshiki Kai could have sworn that he heard something burning.

...

...

...waitaminute...

HOLY SHIT HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF HERE

"AICHIIIIIIIIII!" the idol girl's shriek echoed throughout the empty room.

Thankfully before he could properly react to this newfound information, the two partners-in-crime stormed in and took him by the arm.

That's some impressive strength they got.

He's still tied up.

* * *

This was quite possibly the worst day of Kai's life, tragic pasts and fujoshi fangirls excluded. He'd prefer to forget about the latter.

It was quite possibly a site to behold, an idol and almost-trap carrying a guy with gravity-defying hair in the opposite direction of an ominous burning building. But for some inexplicable reason, nobody even spared them a second glance. Very shady.

Kai often wondered if things like "common sense" existed in this world. Or maybe "logic". Oh, and this thing called "explaining", too. Ahh, the wonders of sanity. Goodness knows everyone else didn't possess it. Except Miwa, maybe. And perhaps Ren now that he thought about it. Come to think of it, his kidnappers seemed pretty sane compared to the rest of the world. Or maybe Stockholm Syndrome was kicking in. He didn't know, he's a teenage boy who plays card games with a tragic past to boot, for christsakes.

Enough of that, he needs to think up of a way to escape these guys, preferably RIGHT NOW, he doesn't have all day!

Maybe listening into their conversation would help. Maybe, he, you know, should have thought of this brilliant idea earlier, just saying!?

Never shall it be said that Toshiki Kai did not have moments of stupidity.

AAH

_How could this happen to me, I made my mistakes, I've got nowhere to ru—_

"Kai-kun, Kai-kun!?" thankfully before things could progress any further than...that, Aichi brought him back to his senses, grabbing him by the shoulders and leaning far too close for comfort. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay!?" Kai gritted out. Well, now that Aichi thought about it...

The position they're in right now...

"Sorry, am I interrupting something? I, uh, can give you two a moment..." Kourin awkwardly piped in from the side.

Ding dong! The sounds of a doorbell ringing in Aichi's head signified his dawning horror of the situation he was in.

"NO! I-I-eh, sorry, Kai-kun, we-we ki-kidnapped...you...do'rrest..." he began to babble in barely-coherent words.

And with that, Kourin knew What Must Be Done.

She knocked Aichi out with the back of her hand. Kai stared at her blankly, and once again the idol found herself defending herself. "I-I did what had to be done! It-'s not to give him peace of mind or anything!"

"...are you a tsundere?"

"N- Abso- AAAAH!" Kourin pulled at her hair in annoyance.

"Now that we're all here, I think I can listen to your explanations now."

"You only say this now!? This would have been a lot easier if you had cooperated with us from the beginning!"

"Says the people who kidnapped me. I can still call the police as soon as I get out of here."

"Why did you tell me that? You just lowered your chances of escaping from here."

Oh, Kai. So much for common sense.

And just for good measure Kourin had tied him onto a bench, too.

* * *

~1 hour of exposition later~

Miraculously, Aichi was still passed out even after Kourin had finished explaining things.

"So I ask you, do you want to become a magical girl?"

"No."

"Great! I don't care, you're _still becoming one._"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

OHSHI—

"Welcome to the team, then~!" Kourin cheered. Damn you, reverse psychology!

"...and so, from now on, Kai is joining the team!" Kourin finishes up her explanation for Aichi, his eyes glittering in admiration. So shiny... She wants to see them all the time, on her—

_Getting a little bit too creepy there, _Kourin berated herself. It didn't help that Aichi was magically at least half a head shorter than everybody else in the year. Yes, even herself, you know, the person 4 months younger than him. (Takuto gave her a detailed profile of Aichi before hightailing away from her again last night. She did not need to know about his adventures following "Kai-kun" from afar, not that she didn't know about most of the already)

"Um, Kourin?"

"What?"

"We may have a little problem here— just a little!"

"And? What's the problem?"

"Look behind you?"

Would Aichi just te—oh.

Mermaid idols. Yes, this is happening. Mermaid Idols: Waifu Wars, coming to a cinema near you. You'd think that they'd be able to communicate with _mermaid idols..._ You'd also think that Vanguard would be more popular thanks to these so-called attractive women basically making up half of the cards _in the entire game._ Fanbases, she'd never understand them.

How does Bermuda Triangle(that was their name, right?) even get their clothes? Do they have different outfits?

Never mind that, she'd ask Takuto later! What to do, what to do... Kourin frantically searched for her deck in her...uhh...where did she put it now?

Oh riiighttt, she left it at home due to lack of sleep.

...

SHE LEFT IT AT HOME DUE TO LACK OF SLEEP?

* * *

~Meanwhile, with Aichi~

Aichi was one hundred percent calm, because, because Kai-kun was here(well, tied to that bench, a good ways away) and _he was just so happy!_

"Mermaid idols, Kai-kun~! You'd think Emi would like something like this? Maybe I should introduce her to Vanguard~?" singsonged the creepily-cheerful Aichi.

Kai was having none of this. "Aichi, isn't there something you have to take care of?"

"Ehh? What~?"

It was at that moment that the opposing force remembered that people die when they are killed, so it would be a good idea to start doing that yes.

One of the idols that Kai recognised as Pacifica noticed the unaware Aichi. Kai should probably do something now. Sure, this guy may be a stalker, but Kai was pretty sure Miwa was a bigger one(seriously, how did he always know where he was?).

"Aichi! Move away!" "Eh?" Aaaannnd she's going for him.

Then Kai blinked.

_SCHWING!_

When he opened his eyes, Aichi was no longer there. But somewhere up in the sky...

It's a bird! It's a plane! Well no, both of those are pretty impossible unless some guy managed to paint them purple. The purple uhh, thing, landed on a nearby streetlight, carrying Aichi bridal-style.

Hey, wasn't that the clerk of Card Capital?

* * *

_Next time, on Heartcatch! Cardcure:_

_"In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"_

_BUT THE SUN IS STILL OUT_

Don't miss it!

* * *

**A/N: I am a terrible person**

**Can you catch all of the references this chapter? I wanted to make things a little more shoujo-esque, but y'know, shoujo.**

**Next chapter will be a little late unfortunately, need time to plan also I have like 20 anime to follow that too**

**What are pairings got any more suggestions guys**

**Read and Review okay it doesn't have to be anything long just show me that you're reading this thanks**

**See you sometime after 20 days!**


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